A Maid of Honor's Guide to Writing

As the maid of honor, you have been entrusted with a lot of responsibility. Among these is the responsibility of giving a speech and a toast. But where do you begin? Maybe you've heard wedding speeches before, but did you ever think you might have to write one? It turns out that this is often the most difficult part of the job of maid of honor. It can also be the most terrifying, particularly if you are someone who isn't comfortable with public speaking.

This article seeks to help ease some of those nerves and give a few pointers on developing a speech that will be powerful, meaningful, and that everyone will remember - for all the right reasons!

The maid of honor's speech is structured differently than the best man's speech and usually occupies a different role in the wedding. While the best man's speech is sometimes very funny and takes on the responsibility of "humiliating the groom," the maid of honor's speech is more flexible in its content and role. Traditionally, the best man's speech follows a pattern that begins with thanking the groom for his toast and is followed by a recounting of the first time the best man met the groom or the beginning of their friendship, then the relationship, and all of it with the injection of good-natured ribbing. With this said, the maid of honor's speech often serves to shift the emphasis to the bride rather than the groom, and to inform the audience of the bride's virtues and strong character. Frequently, the maid of honor's speech is more sober and serious in its content and delivery, though perhaps just as many are mirrors of the best man's speech, complete with humor and embarrassing stories.

With this in mind, where do you begin? There are plenty of templates for writing wedding speeches, and many books and products to help available for purchase, but the major drawback of writing a speech that follows a template or model is that it will sound less convincingly emotional, and certainly less passionate about the bride than one that's written from scratch. It is moderately disastrous for a speech that is supposed to be a heartfelt expression of friendship and love to sound like it was "canned."

So let's write a speech from scratch.

Let's assume that you want to write a speech with at least some degree of humor. Funny speeches are usually easier to write than more serious speeches, and are certainly much more fun to deliver. So let's think about a speech that has a fair amount of light-hearted humor, but isn't a rapid-fire set of one-liners - a frequent mistake when writing a funny speech.

First, keep the speech short. Five to ten minutes should be long enough to say what needs to be said, but short enough to keep your audience engaged and your own energy level high. Too often, wedding speeches are far too long, and read like a laundry list of anecdotes and bad clichés. Without a doubt, shorter is sweeter.

There are a few elements that you should consider adding. Again, unlike the best man's speech, there is no traditional order of these elements, so long as they're all included.

1. Thank the bride for including you in the wedding. Let her know that it is a special day not only for her, but for you as well. Let her know that it's been an honor. It's also good form to compliment her on her appearance or some other aspect of the weddings successful execution.
2. Use anecdotes. Recall the beginning of your friendship and any stories that illustrate the bride's character or strengths.
3. The toast. This should be structured in three parts. There is the end of the speech, which is really a lead-in for the toast. Then, a request for everyone to stand or to raise their glasses, and then the toast itself, which is often a bit of prose or verse, or a traditional toast.

Other prompts for material might include a discussion of the wedding preparations - particularly if there was something funny, interesting, or harrowing about them. Mention that despite these things, everything came off perfectly.

Don't forget to mention the groom. Consider discussing what a good match the bride and groom are. Interestingly, one of the major problems with many best man speeches is that they leave out the bride entirely. There's no need to make the same mistake and forget to speak about the groom.

Finally, always remember to read over the speech and to take out anything that you think might be thought of as mean-spirited or unkind.

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